Reading with our
children is one of the most beneficial activities we can do to promote positive
development. Reading itself opens up a unique door to information and self-awareness
unlike other forms of media. It promotes self-regulation, concentration,
imagination and mindfulness. When we read with our children we build our
relationship, strengthen the attachment bonds that are the potting soil of
emotional health, and communicate love and worth to our children. In this
series of blog posts I want to share some of the books I have come across that
I think are best situated to maximize these goals.
The Heart in the
Bottle
I chose Oliver Jeffers “The Heart in the Bottle” as the
first book to share and discuss in this blog series for one simple reason- I
think it is the bestest children’s book ever written. I have used this book in
my office for years now with children of all ages- including reading it to
teenagers who typically begin the book with an annoyed sigh and end the book
engaged and with more insight into how we respond to negative moments in life.
Jeffer’s captivating and insightful fable is about a young girl
who Jeffer’s describes as “much like any other.” This young girl is curious
about the world and has a grandfather that has served as a base from which to
explore it. When her grandfather passes (spoiler alert) she is left grappling
with the pain of such a dramatic loss.
The story details how she attempts to deal with this loss and the intense emotional experience that accompanies it. She decides the best way to deal with these overwhelming feelings is to distance herself from them by placing her heart in a bottle.
With her heart in the bottle she is able to avoid the
devastation of losing her grandfather. However, the world is no longer as
interesting and curious to her. She no longer finds joy in the things she used
to. Once in- she finds getting that heart out of the bottle is more difficult
than expected.
Jeffer's allegory of placing a heart in a bottle to avoid pain is brilliant and easily relatable. It is very apt for all children (and
adults) and is especially apt for those experiencing the intense emotions that accompany
traumatic stress. Avoiding big feelings by numbing ourselves to them or
distracting from them can minimize their impact in the moment. However, in
doing so we may also damn or dull positive emotional experience.
We have our emotions for a reason and avoiding them misses appreciating
their value and honouring what they are trying to communicate to us. We want
our children to feel safe in experiencing a wide range of emotional experience and
intensity and this book is a great gateway to facilitate some of the growth
needed to do so.
The layout includes beautiful and fanciful imagery with
minimal text on many of the more affectively charged pages. This allows a great
deal of space for pause and reflection. Each image is a springboard for
conversation or thought.
Discussion starters
for “The Heart in the Bottle”
·
Why do you think she put her heart in the
bottle?
·
What do you think happened when she put her
heart in that bottle?
·
She felt really sad. What are some other things
she could have done when she felt sad other than put her heart in the bottle?
·
Why do you think we feel sad?
Sample response: We experience
sadness, and all emotions, to help us appreciate the things that are good in
the world and avoid the things that are bad. When we lose something that is
really important to us, like a relationship, we feel sad so that we can
remember how important it was to us and try to find something like that in the
future. Relationships are important and we want to do all we can to hang on to
them. Sometimes we can’t and because it was important we feel sad that we no
longer have it. It is okay to feel sad for these. We can feel sad about these relationships
and still find happy relationships and experiences in the world.
·
What
are some things you can do when you are sad that would be helpful?
Some suggestions (let
your child come up with as many as possible before offering any suggestions):
-
Talk to someone you trust
-
Do something you enjoy
-
Write or draw something about the
thing you have lost that expresses its importance to you
-
Spend time with people who you care
about
-
Make a hot chocolate
-
Go for a walk, run or bike ride
“The Heart in the Bottle” is available at most major book sellers including Amazon.ca or Indigo/Chapters. There is also an interactive App Version that can be found anyplace you purchase your apps from that includes a number of interactive activities your kids can do while reading the story and is narrated by Helena Bonham Carter.
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